Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Family tried to stop marriage

Family tried to stop marriage

The story above really got my attention as I thought of the hope and good expectations of this woman as she married this man.  I worked in an abused women's shelter (an international one) for one year and saw so many women pass through there of all nationalities and religions.

There are men who are abused as well, we have to be fair, but as the male is the stronger of the two, it seems that there are more women who are both physically and mentally abused.

I have seen a friend who went from a self confident person down to a person who didn't think she could do anything right because of the mental abuse she endured.  Mental abuse is like water dripping onto a rock continuously.

It erodes the confidence of the person.

I know another person very well whose husband discouraged her friends from visiting, not by words but by his behaviour, who used such profane language yelling so loudly that the neighbours could hear and using violent actions to intimidate her.  Fortunately, she was able to get out of that situation and start her life again without him.

There are so many ways that mental abuse can happen.  Physical abuse can most often be seen and even then, unless the victim says who did it, instead of making up excuses of how it happened, there is a difficulty in proving it.  Fortunately the police can now press charges against the abuser.

An abuser needs mental health help, in my opinion, so that he or she can get down to the reason they abuse others and that could take years of therapy.

Abuse escalates and usually the abuser says it will never happen again, but, of course, it does.  Age does not come into it, small children can be abused by their parents, all ages and social backgrounds can be found in abusive situations, from the very well off to poverty stricken people.  There is even elder abuse and dedicated police to assist them.  I worked in an agency for four and a half years when I first arrived here who worked with seniors and met the three dedicated police officers who assist seniors.  If I were an abuser, I sure would not want to tangle with them!.  Grown up children can abuse their parents by controlling their money, and their activities and who befriends them. Physical abuse can be explained away by saying the person fell or some other plausible excuse.  I suspect doctors see many people with broken bones or bruises where there should not be bruises.

I remember one friend of my Aunt's that she met when they had a mobile home in Florida.  Her husband used to knock her around and they were in their 80's at that time.  One day, my aunt got a letter after she returned to Canada from another friend in the mobile home park, telling her that he had killed her.

A tragic end to a battered woman's life.

When I worked in a social agency, I had one man come in who was at his wit's end as he felt that his wife was trying to get rid of him by any means.  I cannot remember all the details now but I really felt for him.  He didn't want to give up on his marriage but he felt in danger both physically and mentally.

Alas, we could only suggest things which might help him and we never saw him again. My hope is that he managed to get out of that relationship safely.

A long blog today on abuse as the article brought back so many memories of people in abusive situations who needed a hand up to escape or to get help to stay in the relationship in safety and with dignity.

Thanks for dropping by.

No comments: